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 Jokes thread! :3

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Felanar

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Age : 22
Location : Britain

PostSubject: Jokes thread! :3   Sun May 31, 2009 11:41 am

What do Christmas and a cat in the desert have in common?
Sandy Caws

There are 10 kinds of people in this world...
Those who know Binary, and those who don't

The square root of negative 1 (-1) and Pie are having an argument. After much fighting, the square root of negative one shouts at pie - "Please! Would you just be reasonable!" Pie responds "Tch, get real!"

What did the pirate say when he got the steering wheel stuck down his pants?
"ARR! It's drivin' me nuts!" (Funnier if said in a pirate accent)

There's this pirate and he's walking around with this paper hat on his head, so I ask him "Hey, what's with the hat?"
"Arr, I've... I've got a bounty on me head"

Why don't dinosaurs talk?
Because they're DEAD!

One atom says to another atom "Holy crap, I just lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive!"

Two fish are in a tank. One fish says to the other fish
"Do you know how to drive this think?"

How do you fit 5 Bulbasour’s and 2 Charzard’s on a bus?
You poke 'em on Razz

What's the different between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?
One goes Wrack! "Darn!" and the other goes "Darn!" Wrack!

"I tried to built an irony detector but the darn thing just won't work!"
"Why? What's wrong with it?"
"Well, it detects everything except irony..."

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white...
A penguin rolling down a hill Smile

What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin who pushed him Very Happy

After giving up on being a nanny, Marry Popins moved to Beverly Hills and became a fortune teller and she reads your future not by looking at the lines on your hand but by smelling your breath!!!
They call it the SuperCaliforniaMysticExpertHalitosis

Did you hear about the red ship and blue the ship that collided?
All of the sailors were marooned!

If I have one little green ball in one hand, and another little green ball in the other hand, what do I have?
The undivided attention of a leprecaun Very Happy

All of these are short, and I grabbed 'em from 2 videos (Each with 50 jokes in 4 mins xP) but you want to post more long winded jokes here, go ahead Very Happy I like them more, because the punch lines are always great. Anyway, feel free to post anything that comes to mind. I think I'll so no to racist jokes (To be on the safe side) but yes to sex jokes (Unless someone doesn't like them, in which case speak up!)

Post your jokes now!!! ^^
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Ethrean Firehand

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Sun May 31, 2009 2:38 pm

"So, I have this idea for a great movie. It's about two gnomes who find a bracelet of power, and they have to take it to the Burning Steppes and cast it into the Cauldron. They form the Brotherhood of the Bracelet. Along the way they're trailed by a murloc named Gottum, who's obsessed with the bracelet, and nine bracelet bogeymen.

It could be a three-parter, called 'Ruler of the Bracelet'. The first part would be called 'The Brotherhood of the Bracelet', followed by 'A Couple of Towers', with a climactic ending called 'Hey, the King's Back!'" Razz
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Tarnation

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PostSubject: Who has...   Tue Jun 02, 2009 6:27 am

Who has abs and put on makeup?


Sorreh... I just felt like I had to share.
All just fun though.
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Agamand

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Fri Jun 05, 2009 3:14 am

did you hear about the Clairvoyants meeting?
It was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances
ahahah i love fallout Razz the series rules
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Tarnation

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PostSubject: Tarnations Wet Dream   Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:01 pm

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Tarnation

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Sat Jun 06, 2009 7:38 pm



Last edited by Tarnation on Sat Jun 06, 2009 7:47 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Kaleya

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Sat Jun 06, 2009 7:41 pm

So.. Do I win the grand prize of creepiest facebug? o.O farao
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Tarnation

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PostSubject: Kaleya is serious buisness   Sat Jun 06, 2009 7:56 pm

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Tarnation

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PostSubject: You know you play too much WoW when...   Sat Jun 06, 2009 8:04 pm

You know you play too much WoW when you think this is funny

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Terrel

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Sun Jun 07, 2009 4:28 am

Darn it! I play too much wow apparently Crying or Very sad
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Agamand

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Sun Jun 07, 2009 3:10 pm

tarnation, you are a legend
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Agamand

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Mon Jun 08, 2009 3:09 pm

(IC ok, i promise)
Agamand: Guess who i picked up last night?
Andearion: dont lie to yourself, it was proberly a him/she
Agamand: as if, im a stud /thrust
[img] [/img][img] [/img]
I will find out how to put an image on properly one day lol
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Tarnation

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PostSubject: Nice one   Tue Jun 09, 2009 1:07 am

Woah man. You really are a lucky guy. Good score with the... Uh.. What is that?
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Dathran
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Tue Jun 09, 2009 8:12 am

Tarnation wrote:
Woah man. You really are a lucky guy. Good score with the... Uh.. What is that?

Her kind is known as the nose drinker.
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Agamand

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:55 am

XD, is it not the best face bug EVER?!?!?!?
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Kaleya

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:16 am

Holy shit! That's my nan Surprised
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Felanar

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Sat Nov 14, 2009 3:58 am

How come a nose can never be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot...

What do punk-rock pirates use to open doors?
An ARR Key (Read aloud)

The calendars days are numbered!

Today I changed a light bulb and then I crossed a road, then I walked into a bar and I realised... That my entire life... Is a joke!

A rubber band pistol was confiscated in algebra class the other day.
It was a weapon of math disruption.

How many elephants can you fit in a mini cooper?
4 - Two in the front, two in the back.

How many giraffes can you fit in a mini cooper?
None because there's already all those elephants in there...

How do you know if there's an elephant in your fridge?
You can see the footprints in the butter.

How do you know if there are two elephants in your fridge?
They giggle when the light goes out ^^

How do you know if there are three elephants in your fridge?
Because you can't quite get the door closed!

How do you know if there are four elephants in your fridge?
Because there's a mini cooper parked outside.

How do you make lady gaga cry?
Poke-her-face (Read aloud)

What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me, man, we'll go places!

Today I was reading the newspaper and I saw this horrible study on all the dangers of drinking...
It scared the crap outta me so that's it! From this day forward, no more reading!

What starts with 'F' ends in 'uck' and usually means excitement?
A Fire truck!!!

What starts with 'P' and ends in 'orn'?
Popcorn!

Decided I'd ress the thread, as it's about time we got some new jokes up. Hope you liked them Razz
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Lunette

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes thread! :3   Tue Nov 17, 2009 2:17 am

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."

Rofl

In this life I'm a woman.

In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup... gonna be a bear.
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